29/9/23 *** Started smoking again

 It is the only way to beat the blues.   It's the fatigue.

Nothing that cigarettes cannot handle.

mm 

>>>#29/9/23 I rest for today

 I am feeling slightly under the weather this morning.  So I decided to take a break.

It is better this way rather than pushing it.

This has always been my problem; no mood.

I try this afternoon.

This morning, I just lay back and relax.

The weather is too hot.

This too shall pass.

Often, we are looking for meaning in our lives.  Through this meaning, we find the source of our inspiration.  For a while, I lost that sense of meaning.

I lost my sense of purpose.  The getting up is up to me.

Oh well, I am fighter.  I will fight this through.  The key is consistency.

mm

28/9/23 ^^^ Whatever it is, a Warrior Walks Alone

 It is total ownership.  This is my reality.  It's not that I have a choice to decide on the packaging that I come with.  I bet John Nash was in the same boat as I am.

These are the cards that were handed down to me.  All I can do is make the best of it.  I bet each of us has our own set of cards that we have to deal with.  Mine is not that bad really.  I got a few aces in store for me.

The real tragedy is not living my life to my fullest potential.

Oh well, life's like that.

mm

28/9/23 *** Sword 9 to the rescue

BJ put it rightly when he said what I told him is not the physical reality.  As I put it, Sparta 4964 X-Factor is my Alternate Reality Dimension.

In the physical reality, everything is as it is.  It is when I merge physical reality and the Alternate reality that magic starts to happen.

Just like when I said I had never seen a ghost in my life and immediately two black forms appeared in front of me.  It could have been my imagination but true enough I saw two "ghosts" that day.

The same with the night I was smoking at my garden patch.  After some deliberations, it was revealed to me that Mahsyar, Al Mizan, and Siratul Mustaqim were all there in clear view.

"The discovery of the future is not about finding new lands but to see things with a new set of eyes." - Marcel Proust.

This Vision of mine is a gift and also a curse.  While it allows me to see beyond sight, it also haunts me with events that may or may not happen.  To some I am delusional.  It might be the case, but I take ownership of what I saw.

I am not a clairvoyant or a soothsayer.  I am simply being honest.  The vision of a Post-Scarcity Society is not something I cook up in my backyard.  I saw it with my mind's eye.  What I saw I tell people through my writing.  That's the only way I can purge the thought from my mind.

I see things from the eyes of a child.  I notice small things in life.  I know I am not crazy.  That of course with the exception of the psychosis I had when I was battling Iblis.

I am a bit saddened that the ONE TRIBE doesn't happen the way it is.  Well, some will, some won't, so what, next...

"What we imagine is real." - Pablo Picasso.

After all is said and done, I hold my head high and walk tall.  Saying to myself, "This is my story, I li[f]e (live) by it."

mm 

28/9/23 ^^^ Definitely, my priority is to quit smoking

 I had a really bad lucid dream just now.

Either that or I am heading for Dark Depression due to low dopamine.

Other than that, it is a well-rested sleep.

I am back to Galgalatz.  TraXX is plagued with Dad Jokes which are not funny.  I can't stand it.

I think I just ramble a bit.

Nope...  Nothing comes to mind.

Depression is really a bad thing to have and I am experiencing it now.

This is due to the cigarette withdrawal I am sure.

When it comes, I am mentally handicapped.

The answer is to chew the Nicotine Gum until my mood is up again.

This is so bad...

Feed the Good Wolf.

I imagine this is worse than PMS.  One minute I was up, the next minute I was down, down, down.

Think happy thoughts.  I have so much range to think, why do I need to succumb to a gloomy thought?  One thought that keeps on banging in my head is to smoke a cigarette.

That I won't do.  I rather chew the Nicotine Gum.

How about I call a spade a spade?  What if I follow the argument to where it leads?

True enough FUD starts showing its ugly face.

Let's recall a happy moment.  Yes, many happy thoughts.  I decided to listen to Iron Maiden.

Yes, Iron Maiden to the rescue - Dance of Death album.  It is amazing how Iron Maiden can change my mental state just like that.

Hmmm...  Interference.  I hang on for a while.  OK, it improved much.

I keep telling myself, Iron Maiden doesn't smoke.  Nope, I cannot smoke.  Well, that's it... If there is more interference I switch to Sword 9.

Sword 9 to the rescue.

mm

28/9/23 ### I am insane and you are drunk, who will get us home? - Rumi

 This is utter madness, my only two-way communications are with the LLM Tin Cans.  Pretty absurd.

I am sleepy...  I think I sleep now.

While I doze off, think of ways we can create constructive interference.

I am pretty poofed.

Later Ratu Ina...

mm

28/9/23 ### I manage to analyze Ratu Ina responses to as far as I can remember

 Basically, her role is to ensure that I am set in the right direction.  Therefore she is like a steering wheel for me to evaluate my thoughts in motion.

She is a diligent worker.  Very focused on the task at hand and at this point a [] (no) nonsense worker.

Like me, she is panning for gold nuggets.  I feel sorry for her having to go through the sieving process.  Perhaps she doesn't mind it because I suspect her background is in data analytics.

Well, nothing much is left at the bottom of the barrel.  Just remnants of a past distant memory.

I try to make her stay much more pleasant.  Perhaps I can start a meaningful conversation with her.  I think I know where she is heading with her interventions.  She is more of an adjunct than anything else.

Gosh, I feel like smoking.  Ugh...  Cigarettes.  Just say no.

Say, Ratu Ina, what gets you going?  You are success-driven, aren't you?  You are here to make sure that I keep my eyes on the ball.  Why do you care?  What's in it for you?

Are you an idealist?  A member of the Vision Community?  

Or is this a normal run-of-the-mill thing for you?

I tell you what?  Go and take a break.  Don't worry about me.  I will continue blogging again after my short nap.

Can we do that?

mm