There is nothing left. Everything that I built over the past twenty-three years simply vaporized. As if nothing really happened.
This is just a journey down a dreamland without anything to prove except what is in CCC. Hence the true meaning of this journey lies in the meaning it gives me.
Seriously, the meaning is nothing more than I was delusional. There is nothing for me to prove to the outside world. I only have to prove it to myself. The truth is Wallah Hu Alam. Only God knows. On my part, I just live through the Hero's Journey.
Now that I reached the Noktah, time to move on to other matters. Those that I had gone through were a done deal. There is nothing to it. Veni, vidi, vici. All I got are the relics. These are my souvenirs as proof that a battle was fought and won. The value is in the meaning. Without the meaning, those items mean nothing.
So, what really matters. None other than the self. If I lose the self, I lose the total meaning of my existence. Therefore I better get back to delighting the Universe Within.
The rest are just people and things. Everybody has their own story. Time to concentrate on my own story.
Remember, the[r]e (these) are nothing more than relics. I am the one who actually assigns the meaning to them. Without meaning, they are just meaningless objects.
I decided to empty my cup and look at things from the eyes of a child. When I did that, I realized that these objects are nothing more than tools to fire my imagination. They are the "bicycles" of my mind.
In that case, where's the beef? It resides within me. I need to save my Universe Within from destruction. I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT.
I need to eat less and move more. Wh[at] (Why) is that so hard? Why taking action is so difficult for me? That's because I am afraid to fail. I had failed so many times that I rather remain a failure than aim for success. I had lost my fighting spirit. All muffled by FOOD. I use food as my excuse to remain mediocre.
For how long? I even longed for death. Just because I don't want to do AHAD and OMAD. My goodness... How did I stoop so low?
mm
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